Understanding
BY NICK MARSHALL GILBERT, ARIZONA - I don't really like typing that: Gilbert, Arizona. It's kind of an indication that I'm back. Back from my trip and back from living with everyone. The last few days I was in Zambia I was sick and since we came back to the U.S. I've been sick for a few days. Wednesday at 4am I went to work and the whole experience of returning and seeing my coworkers and just doing my job was like a fever dream. I didn't understand things and everything moved differently and maybe because I was sick, but the vibe was thrown off and I didn't see any of the crew to talk to and just people would ask, " Wow, how was Africa?" I'd look at them for a pause and smile a slight, sickly smile and say in a dazed way, "It was fun" or "It was fine."
After all that I learned, after everything we overcame and just the whole experience, how could I possibly sum it all up in a quick one sentence answer? But in that pause I just thought it would be easier just to say something nondescript, something like "fine" or "ok" because even if I took them aside and sat for days with them and told them everything that I experienced, they would stare at me and wouldn't get it because they weren't there. Most people I have talked to didn't even understand what I meant by film. They asked if I made a short film or a religious film. Even if I told them it was the first feature film in Zambia and what we did was extraordinary, their faces told me, they just didn't understand.
When I'm not with any of the crew, it's like something's off, like I'm missing something that should be there. Even when I feel sick, if the crew gets together, I feel better, they make me feel better. Today I woke up at 3am and went off to work and after left to go to M.K's house to edit. When Alec, Jacobo, Jeniece and I were in that room at the back of the house, going over the feature footage (even though watching that footage again made me remember all the stuff that we experienced each day, some of the unpleasentries) we all talked as we sucked in footage and all laughed. When we'd break to take a breather from the footage we would go out into M.K.'s living room and I would see M.K., Cyndi, Pam, Robbie, Carlos and Mike. It seemed like walking out of my room at the Kraal. Our community was there and we just sat and talked. I'd get distracted and notice that Alec and Jacobo and Jeniece had already gone in the room again. It was just nice getting lost in the conversations and dialogue with the crew again. Just talking with very few words and everyone would just understand.
Even as Pam rested (she's been feeling poorly too), she'd wake up and hear a small portion of what we were talking about and immediately know and understand. Even now, I'm exhausted from the long day, body still ticking with some pent up energy and even if I got no sleep and went to work and then back to M.K.'s, I know I'd feel better right when I got there and started working and talking with the crew. After living and working with these people for a month, it's hard just to take that away, not to see them and not hear their stories. I just feel a calming balance when they're around. And I know they understand.