We are Driven
BY MICHAEL "KARATE MASTER" MONTESA, SCOTTSDALE, AZ - Before leaving for Zambia, my life was quiet and boring ... I always followed the rules, always by the book, always inside the box. I would work nonstop, sometimes 60 hours a week. I would follow a strict daily schedule planner everyday. I worked. I forgot what fun was. All of that has changed now ... I have changed.
It's really amazing how one trip to an African country can change people's lives. It has changed my life, for the better. Sometimes I wonder, "What if I had never gone to Africa? What if I had never given myself this chance?"
This morning, I was having a conversation with one of my fellow respiratory therapists during break and he told me how he can see the changes in me. He noticed that when I got back to work I was reserved and depressed. He said that when I talked about the trip I became excited and proud. I have told him about the experiences and the personal bonding that happened on the trip and it just feels so good to be heard and to be understood by other people. Sometimes when people ask me about the trip, they only want to hear the exciting things. I don't try to tell them about the challenges that we overcame. I am not sure if they care or can understand. But some people try.
It is still difficult for me to be back to work as a therapist . I feel so disconnected and lost sometimes. Most of the time, I just want to be left alone. But in my line of work, that is not possible. I have a personal responsiblity to my job. I am so thankful and grateful that they let me take off five weeks and held all my classes and my duties while I was away. I am part of a team at work as well. We are responsible for patients during the critical settings. I understand the value more than ever of every team player and what we all contribute to any project. This is not the time to pull away from them because they need me now more than ever. Regardless of the stresses of work, I am still committed to the lessons I learned in Africa. Everyone needs to take time to laugh and play and dance. I don't want to ever go back and be that overdriven stressful person I was before. I really believe that taking time every day for moments of fun are making me a better employee, friend and family member.
The ironic thing about this discovery of time management is the conflict I have over the film Zambia project itself. I realize the crew still needs me too. We are under a deadline to get a rough draft of both the feature and the documentary by this week. So, many of the crew are working all nighters logging and editing endless footage. I try to help as much as I am allowed. The good thing is when I am with the crew I am also having fun.
The other day, I was capturing some footage of Cyndi, Pam and MK's conversation about the problems behind the set and on the set. I was amazed how much I didn't know. Some parts I knew but most of the problems we had I wasn't even aware of over there. I am grateful to them for dealing with those problems. Cyndi and Pam were constantly everywhere! They dealt with food issues, phone calls or just phones, ATM's, actors, props, transportation problems, sites, director issues, endless problems that occured every day! I know we had challenges on the set too but our problems were much smaller compared to what they were dealing with. I am glad we didn't know about those issues because it could have affected our concentration on our jobs or how we dealt with certain actors or other member of the crew. Thank you Cyndi and Pamela for being our PRODUCERS ... for always watching our backs and for not letting us get affected by the daily issues that faced us everyday. Thank you for letting us grow and learn the challenges of filmmaking. You helped us be better crew members and better friends to each other.
Listening and watching the footage brought back tons of fun memories from the trip. When I watched the clips I experienced the same feelings I had when I was actually living it! Sometimes its difficult to look at photos because I miss everybody and our time at the Kwazulu Kraal Lodge. I have to remind myself that the future starts today. A friend of mine told me not to dwell in the past but let the past be your guide to your future and he is right. We have two films to finish. One film to show a story of Zambia and another film to show the crew's experience. I am excited to share our experience and the emotional aspect of filmmaking. I believe our documentary will show the human side of film. I think it is compelling because it is so real!
Before leaving for Africa, I was so excited to photograph the beauty of Zambia but after coming back to the U.S., I realize I have captured something else ... I have helped capture the heart and soul of the film crew.