Untitled
BY M.K. RACINE, CHANDLER, ARIZONA, USA - Listening to the pod casts I am excited about taking our crew experiences to another level. Or at the very least, venture down another avenue we have yet to explore as a group. Again, I have to thank Cyndi for another cool and eye opening experience!! I must admit, it's been challenging to be back in the states and not have the focus of production or even post-production now. There is definitely a void that needs to be filled, and I believe one of the only things that could fill it, for me, is another film venture with the crew.
Jacobo and I are the only two crewmembers with no film classes on our transcripts. Yet, that has far from prevented us in seeking some sort of fulfillment and further experiences in the field. I know he is up in NYC, pursuing an editing career. Under the tutelage of Alec, as well as Jacobo's own determination, he has learned a great deal about Final Cut Pro and After Effects. Although I am true to my desktop publishing studies and am working in Graphic Design, I really enjoyed working on my demo reel and would love the opportunity, many opportunities, to incorporate that into what I can offer our film crew as we seek to begin another film project. Producing, marketing, editing, a number of interests, a number of goals...
This is my life right now, deciding on my primary career goal and a direction for my life. When I think of life, the pieces of a novel come to mind; a beginning, middle, end; chapters, climaxes, characters and the like. Going to Zambia was an interesting chapter in my life. This post Zambian chapter seems anticlimactic. It's decision time now, time to pursue the rest of my life. But so much has changed since the time I left for Zambia to today. The rest of my life was planned before I left Zambia. Some of those parts of my life do not exist any more, however, and other parts have recently materialized. Call it plot, call it new character development, call it a twist; things have changed and it's now time to finish this chapter, or at least find its purpose.
The change I have experienced both in and since my return from Zambia is change I never predicted, change that has me questioning the purpose of planning, and for a planner, that's quite a change. I fully understand change is ubiquitous. One must seek to accept it and find the most productive and positive way how, because change will happen with or without your consent. What I have tried to identify is why the changes in my life are impacting me as they are. There is a fear of the unknown, a feeling that things are out of my hands, a desperation for what I want, and a sense that time is running out. The upside is the unlimited opportunity, the people in my life with which to share my goals, and the fulfillment that will come once all is said and done, and I'm still standing!
It seems I have written this chapter of my life before, one where I choose a path, only to be exposed to something else and become attracted to yet another interest, another opportunity. It's a reminder of what all life has to offer, and what all one can deliver.
What's different this time around is that I have truly and deeply been affected by a group of people with similar interests and goals. We are, in many ways, in sync in our desire to move forward and towards another project. Yet the realities of our lives have somewhat stepped between that which we desire, and that which we are obligated to.
Many people before us have been placed here and many will find themselves here long after we are gone. I know I have decisions to make and need to accept the changes that have surfaced. It’s a challenge to move forward, without an established direction. I want the certainty, the stability of knowing, and cannot ignore the questions that have settled themselves alongside the changes in my life.
It’s interesting, I can reflect upon the years of my life thus far and determine a title for each completed chapter, each year that has passed. I would prefer to start the year with a title in mind, and have all the pieces fall into place, to bring truth to my words. Even today, I wish I could see how this chapter ends. I would love to be able to turn to the last page to see how this time in my life unfolds. The reality is...that is not an option...hence, I am left with the thought that this time next year, I will be able to reflect on today and appropriately label this point in my life.
Until then, with so many interests, decisions, opportunities and changes to be sorted through, this chapter in my life is to be left untitled.