By Jabbes Mvula - I have spent the last few weeks reflecting on my life, my relationship with others and generally re-defining my goals in life. Since we wrapped up the filming of Bad T!ming on Saturday 02nd September 2006, I happenned to be the most unfortunate one to have been hit by a bout of malaria and stomach complications. I spent just over one month in bed, and I felt like life had just come to a stand-still.

As I lay down looking at the ceiling, feeling lost and praying for healing from God, I kept thinking about what I want to do in life. I remembered words from my former Director General at Zambia National Broadcasting Corporation, Dr. Steven Moyo;

Ask yourself 'What haven't I done that I should have done, or what have I done that I shouldn't have done, or indeed, what have I done that I should have done better?'

I should admit that these questions, coupled with the illness, made me feel even more lonely at times, especially being far away from home. Just when I was recovering from the illness, I got a call that my youngest girl, Thokozani, was suffering from 'Chicken Pox'. Oh my God! Thinking of your child suffering when you can not even be there for her, is an experience that just leaves you helpless. You just think hard about nothing, constantly walk around aimlessly, and get emotional at the whiz of a fly. Thank God she is now fine.

Just when I start settling down, the family sends me another message, this time asking me to prepare a memorial message for the newspaper publication on the memorial day for the late Jabbes Jr on 23rd October. Its now five years since he departed. This time, it was interesting to me, because instead of remembering the pain of losing him, I have only been thinking of the motivation he gives to my life and ambitions. I realized that sometimes we go through a painful moment in order for us to sober up and think about tomorrow. The most unfortunate thing is that when a door closes, we always spend all the time crying such that our eyes become full with tears and we fail to see the other door that is opening.

I thank God for giving me the ti
me to reflect.